Bread and Butter

Posted on Sun Dec 10th, 2023 @ 9:03pm by Ensign Tobias "Toby" Dienstag & Lieutenant JG Marcel Knowles

0 words; about a 1 minute read

Mission: Mission 4: Through a Glass, Darkly
Location: Deck 5: Ensign Dientag's Quarters
Timeline: M4 MD07 (2268.07.16) 0600

Time could pass but feelings, they remined a constant nagging and gnawing at Marcel Knowles. It did not matter if he were an engineer or helmsman though these days, he was on the bridge more and his duties were clear, pilot the starship with the assistance of a trusted choir of navigators at his side that studied star charts and plotted courses. He could concentrate on his job while on duty even if that meant seeing and hearing Toby more often, but off duty when he was alone, it was different. He could not sleep restfully, and his dreams did not make matters any better. It was one day when he was just sitting there in his quarters running a butter knife across a slice of toasted bread that he stopped and examined it further. No, it was not the face of the Virgin Mary that he saw nor was it the image of a Vulcan philosopher. It was just bread, plain and simple bread, but it as more than that to him. Enough so that he just grabbed his plate of bread and scurried out of his quarters in his boxer briefs and a robe.

He did not care or did not notice the looks he was receiving, and frankly the world around him was so far removed from his mind that the hundreds of souls aboard were obsolete to him. Lieutenant Marcel knew the route to take like the back of his hand or the shadows of his heart. His footfalls of his slippers made a peculiar noise across the deck and down the corridor as he neared his way to Ensign Dienstag's quarters. Toby. That was who he had kissed what felt like a lifetime ago, yet he relived the experience almost nightly.

Marcel waited for a response, hoping to catch sight of Toby. If Mikey was there? So be it thought Marcel. He had only promised not to go around kissing Toby and that was more out of respect for Toby and consent, not because he felt honor bound to Mike. Marcel did have some respect for Mikey, but he wanted to see Toby. He stood there outside the door with his plate of toast.

The door opened and Marcel was greeted by Toby's perplexed expression. He was standing there wearing a blue Henley shirt and plaid pajama pants. His blonde hair was still neatly combed to the side in its usual fluffy quiff, evidence that he had still been awake. "Can I help you, sir?" He asked inquisitively, in a professional manner.

"I'm not here on duty, Toby. I here because I don't care, not that you don't know how or what you feel when I kissed you or whatever Mikey has to say about it," stated Marcel. "I want to have breakfast with you. I want to change course, and I don't want to reverse. I can't, not after what I did. I know I'm not making any sense, but look at this" he said presenting the plate of toast, just a few slices if bread.

"Uh huh," Toby responded with the perplexed look on his face. He stepped aside and ushered him inside, "My roommate will off duty in an hour," he responded, "And ah..." He noticed Marcel's attire, "Do you want to borrow some pants or something?" He asked.

"No," Marcel replied simply though slightly embarrassed that he hadn't really put much thought of roaming the ship in a robe and boxer briefs. "I'll be fine. Toby, you are like this bread. It seems plain, simple, and people take it first granted. They love bread. It's versatile and useful, but sliced bread? It was revolutionary on Earth at one point in time. I don't know what I'd do without...bread...or you."

"Ok then," Toby responded. This was certainly going to be the weirdest breakfast he'd ever had. Certainly going to be the most awkward. Toby definitely wasn't interested in Marcel and he wasn't sure what more he could say to convince him of that. "I would certainly feel more comfortable though," he commented before sitting down at the table in the small common area.

Marcel felt the sting, cool and numbing of Toby's words. They were as sterilized as Sickbay after a deep cleansing. Perhaps just Toby's genius personality or a rubbing off of Mikey's onto Toby by proxy. Nevertheless, Marcel felt it and it was clear that this was only going one of a few ways, none of which were going to end up with Toby in his arms later that night or any night. The only place that would be happening would be in those nagging dreams.

"I'm sorry that I make you uncomfortable," replied Marcel, pulling his robe belt tighter, tying it tightly so there was nothing but a small bit of chest showing. "Better?" offered the helmsman.

"A little," Toby responded.

He had said what he said about the bread and Toby. "I meant it by the way. I do feel like you are amazing and that I need you, but I don't need you like that. I just want to be transparent with you and I guess with Mikey. I have feelings for you but I'll settle for friendship."

"Thank you," Toby responded," I had wanted to say that I hope we can continue our friendship. Since that's all I was expecting or wanting. I hope I didn't do anything to lead you on." He fiddled with the handle of his coffee mug, "I just hadn't found the words or the right moment to talk about any of this... Especially given the mission," he added. It was tough for Toby to even look at Marcel after the incident in the bowling alley. He was hoping to forget the entire encounter, but that was impossible.

Marcel took a bite of toast and chewed. This was just how it was and he needed to accept it. "No, you didn't lead me on. You didn't really do anything Toby. You existed and I find you attractive, and a bit of a puzzle. I like puzzles a lot."

"I made the mistake of thinking if I showed interest in you, if I was brave enough to, that maybe you would feel the same way. You do not."

"I'm sorry," Toby responded simply, his face was still mostly expressionless, almost in shock. He wasn't sure what else to say. Part of him wished Mike were here, so he'd have some support, but he was strong enough to do this on his own. He finally picked up his mug of coffee.

"No, I'm sorry. You were just being you and there's nothing wrong with that. There is a lot wrong with my behavior and actions. It's hard for me to convey what it's like being Martian. We live through hardships it's practically a philosophy and my shore leave on Denobula opened my eyes to a lot of things" explained Marcel.

"You have something I want badly," Marcel confessed. He looked around the crew quarters. "These are not just your quarters. It's a home. You have Mikey and he has you. You have love, and I had that once too for a brief fleeting moment aboard the Ragnarök."

"This place is alright," Toby responded looking around, "In theory he and I could room together but it would raise more than a few eyebrows. Even then being a doctor he has his own."

He paused for a moment and then continued, "Our relationship is not perfect, but maybe some day," Toby responded, "Both of us are rather focused on our careers. It is certainly nice to share the exhaustion with someone..."

Marcel ate more of his toast. This was cozy, and actually kind of nice to just have Toby to talk to. "I had that. I had all of it before, but my Mikey... his name was Colton, and I loved him a lot, Toby. I'm just chasing phantoms."

"What happened?" Toby inquired as he set his cup of coffee back down onto the table. His vibrant hazel eyes scanned Marcel's face looking for clues.

"Ragnarök responded to a distress call from a Federation colony. Colton was selected as part of a landing party, and it was an ambush. The last time that I saw him alive was the morning before he was assigned to the landing party."

Toby nodded grimly, that was the service especially on a starship in the unknown. The Midway had been in some incredibly tight spots and if anything Toby was usually the one going in harms way, except for this past mission anyway. "I'm sorry," were the only words Toby could find.

"Just do me a favor and love him," Marcel said referring to Mike. "You and Mikey have something special. Don't ever go to sleep upset with each other, and if either of you go on a landing party, do not just think about catching up when the other returns. I didn't get the chance to catch up afterwards."

"I will," Toby responded in a serious tone. The whole conversation had been incredibly awkward, but Toby had listened to every word, even the jumbled word salad at the beginning. He hoped Marcel found some peace, eventually.

 

RSS Feed